Plot Twist!!!

Have you ever just felt so frustrated that everything just pisses you off...for no. damn. reason?!

Phone rings:  Stop calling assholes!!!

Birds sing:  Fuck you birds!  You sound like shit!

Random person breathing: ShutupShutup...SHUT UP!!!!

Yeah, that is so me right now.

Everyone loves a Mean Girls reference

I think we've all been there.  Walking along, living our lives, when BOOM...

plot twist.


Don't get me wrong, some changes are good, serendipitous even.  

Mine, however, is not.


A little background for all you lovely people:  I am currently embroiled in a epic life transition.  Almost a year ago my whole life, whole world shattered over a family dinner.  The future I envisioned for myself and my daughter died.  My life didn't end, I'm not that melodramatic, but my world definitely changed course.  I have been struggling to finding my footing in hopes of standing on my own for the first time in my life.  That ol' cliche...."When it rains, it pours," is so my life.  I have been plagued by constant troubles.  Whether it be car repairs, money shortages, family/relationship strife, work drama, etc., I have never had a dull moment since my soon-to-be exhusband left us.  It is unfortunate, yes, but, sadly, is very common nowadays.


So after yet another set-back, I am currently in "Wallow Mode."  I am in the eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's, watching insert sad/sappy movie here, have an ugly cry mode.  I think a good wallow is totally justified right now.  A good wallow is just what I need to process all the shit happening to me.  A good wallow is the first step in healing.  I know it must be temporary.  I know I must cry and scream and *maybe* not brush my hair, but I must not get stuck.


I am trying to see the good side of this, but I am starting to get overwhelmed.  I'm stronger than most, and always seem to find laughter in dark situations.  This latest development, however, is really testing my resolve.

I will not quit because I can't; will not give up.  I have an amazing, brilliant, curious, loving, creative 4 year old who depends on me.  She is my anchor, my heart.  As much as I think I'm her guide, her teacher, I find that she instructs me.  She shows me the simplicity in things.  Helps me reconnect to my imagination and wonderment of the world around us.  She helps my jaded/cynical view fade, even if it is a temporary reprieve. 

Today is a bad day.  Tomorrow might not be much better.  However, I will not lose hope because if I ever lose hope I might as well just quit at life.

So This Is Blogging...

It's been a long time coming, but I've finally done it.  Finally jumped on the proverbial Band Wagon and started a blog.

Why now you ask....

Shit, I don't know.  It seemed like a good idea?  It was time?  It's cathartic?  Honestly, at this point I am not sure.  Maybe, at some point, over the course of writing this blog, I will find out.

Who will enjoy reading this blog you ask....

No clue and I honestly do not care.  I am writing this blog for me, plain and simple.  I will say this, however,  if you are easily offended or have delicate sensibilities:  leave now.   Just leave this page and go look up funny cat pictures or something.  If you have an aversion to following, you *probably* won't enjoy this blog:

Unnecessary and frequent use of explatives

Dark humor

Borderline or outright inappropriate jokes and/or refrences

Sarcasm in all its glorious forms

A bunch of other stuff that I can't think of right now

IF YOU HAVE EVER OR PLAN ON USING THE PHRASE "YOLO," 

GET. THE FUCK. OUT.

As a teenager I remember keeping a diary.  Oh yeah, complete with flimsy lock and everything.  I would fill those pages with typical teen angst and rants about the "unjust" nature of my parents:

"Ugh!  I can't believe Mom.  She made me clean my room...again!  Doesn't she know I have important things to do!  This Judy Blume book isn't going to read itself."

"Oh how I wish What'shisname would just like me!  He is perfect in every way....we would be sooooo happy.  I mean, according to MASH, we would and MASH is never wrong."

"My life is over!  Mom wouldn't buy me those Guess jeans at the mall today.  I have to have them.  I need them or everyone is will make fun of me."

Etc, Etc, Etc.....

Wow, those were some tough times....lol.

I have always been a writer and I'm damn good at it.  I may be humble in other areas of my life, but I will not down-play my writing.  It is not arrogance that I say this.  It is just my truth.  I have a natural ability for sports, I cook well, I am fairly crafty, and I dance moderately well.  Writing on the other hand, is a passion of mine.  I love the written word, therefore, I have committed myself to furthering my own inherent talent.  There is just something about reading and writing that evokes a tangible response.  You can experience a gateway into someone's mind, see into their very soul.  I love movies as well as, don't get me wrong, but books are far better.  Books allow you to see what you want, shape the full image in your mind of what the author is describing.  No two people ever experience the same book the same way....that is what I truly love.

If you love writing so much, why not just another diary...why a blog for the world to read you ask...

I thought about it.  Just buy some awesome leather bound journal and get after it.  In the end, I decided to choose blog over paper.  Maybe someone will be helped by words.  Maybe someone will derive laughter/happiness from my experiences.  Maybe someone will relate to my thoughts and not feel so alone.

OR

Maybe I'm just feeding my intrinsic selfishness.  The need to be the center of our own self-made universe.

Who cares....I'm doing this because sometimes my head is too loud, too full.  I'm doing this to document my life because sometimes my memory is inadequate, and one day I want to look back and be nostalgic.  Or,  maybe I just might need a reminder of where I've been.




So begins the journey....