Plot Twist!!!

Have you ever just felt so frustrated that everything just pisses you off...for no. damn. reason?!

Phone rings:  Stop calling assholes!!!

Birds sing:  Fuck you birds!  You sound like shit!

Random person breathing: ShutupShutup...SHUT UP!!!!

Yeah, that is so me right now.

Everyone loves a Mean Girls reference

I think we've all been there.  Walking along, living our lives, when BOOM...

plot twist.


Don't get me wrong, some changes are good, serendipitous even.  

Mine, however, is not.


A little background for all you lovely people:  I am currently embroiled in a epic life transition.  Almost a year ago my whole life, whole world shattered over a family dinner.  The future I envisioned for myself and my daughter died.  My life didn't end, I'm not that melodramatic, but my world definitely changed course.  I have been struggling to finding my footing in hopes of standing on my own for the first time in my life.  That ol' cliche...."When it rains, it pours," is so my life.  I have been plagued by constant troubles.  Whether it be car repairs, money shortages, family/relationship strife, work drama, etc., I have never had a dull moment since my soon-to-be exhusband left us.  It is unfortunate, yes, but, sadly, is very common nowadays.


So after yet another set-back, I am currently in "Wallow Mode."  I am in the eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's, watching insert sad/sappy movie here, have an ugly cry mode.  I think a good wallow is totally justified right now.  A good wallow is just what I need to process all the shit happening to me.  A good wallow is the first step in healing.  I know it must be temporary.  I know I must cry and scream and *maybe* not brush my hair, but I must not get stuck.


I am trying to see the good side of this, but I am starting to get overwhelmed.  I'm stronger than most, and always seem to find laughter in dark situations.  This latest development, however, is really testing my resolve.

I will not quit because I can't; will not give up.  I have an amazing, brilliant, curious, loving, creative 4 year old who depends on me.  She is my anchor, my heart.  As much as I think I'm her guide, her teacher, I find that she instructs me.  She shows me the simplicity in things.  Helps me reconnect to my imagination and wonderment of the world around us.  She helps my jaded/cynical view fade, even if it is a temporary reprieve. 

Today is a bad day.  Tomorrow might not be much better.  However, I will not lose hope because if I ever lose hope I might as well just quit at life.