The Graveyard of Past Friendships

The fourteenth blog challenge topic is...

A Friend/Partner That Drifted Out of My Life...

I have always been adamant about the fact that I have the best friends a girl could ask for.  I've never been the best at being one of those outgoing people-persons that is at ease with meeting new people.  I have, however, been blessed with having some amazing people come into my life despite my introverted nature.  Sadly, not all those who have entered my life have stayed.  School friends, past co-workers turned friends, and even boyfriends have all come and gone.  Facebook and other social media sites make it easy/accessible to maintain a presence in each others' lives, but sometimes people just drift apart.

When I think about a person that drifted, a person who's absence truly hit me the hardest, there is only one that readily comes to mind.  She was my best friend, my partner in crime, my sister.

 Or so I thought

She was a friend of a friend initially.  She grew up in my town, but moved away before my family arrived.  She kept in touch with many people still in town, namely one of my closest friends.  I had always heard stories about her from mutual friends and thought that she sounded like a pretty cool chick.  In high school, she moved back to town and we fell into an easy friendship.  Along with 2 others, we all were inseparable...we were rarely without each other.  Toward the end of our high school years, discord broke up the group.  The other two girls went their own way, but her and I stayed together until I moved out of state.  When I moved back to Texas in my mid-20's we were able to reconnect, became roommates even.  When I decided to move in with my now ex husband, our friendship kind of died.  She had just found out she was pregnant with her second child and I was getting married & moving to Japan.  We pretty much stopped communicating all together.  It was very bizarre to be honest.  A fixture in each others lives one day, strangers the next.

I always thought we had a really solid friendship.  We saw each other, talked to each other, everyday.  Apart from school/work, we were always together.  As I think back and take a closer look, I see a different friendship then the one I lived then.  I'm passive and laid back by nature.  She is not.  There always seemed to be drama surrounding her.  In my naive mind, it was never her fault all these bad things happened or why all these people were doing terrible things to her.  I was on her side always, and besides, she was my best friend...she wouldn't lie to me.  I knew she was kind of high maintenance, liked attention, but I also saw another side to her that came out in quiet moments shared between just the two of us.  I never doubted her loyalty to me...until one particular guy entered our lives.  She was seeing his best friend while I was seeing him.  Things didn't work out between him and I but she continued to date his friend.  Things got really tense and weird between us.  Whispered phone conversations, quickly closed computer windows, and lame-assed excuses kind of gave me reason to doubt her...or suspect there was something being kept from me.  I never found out what was going on and I didn't really care about the specifics.  The thing that bothered me the most was that there was a dishonesty happening and that was the most hurtful thing.

When I returned from Japan we were able to get together one afternoon as she was driving through my town.  She spent the entire time monopolizing the conversation with her bitching & ranting & playing the perpetual victim.  I was right in the middle of my divorce and she didn't even show me one ounce of compassion.  I listened to her and for the first time found myself not giving a shit.  All her gripes sounded so petty and immature.  Maybe I had finally grown up.  Maybe I had finally acquired enough maturity to see through her bullshit and see her for what she is and had always been...a drama queen who creates and thrives on chaos, sustained by the attention she receives, whether it be positive or negative.  I don't mean to sound callous, but she has not changed one bit since high school.  No growth, no depth, little maturity.  I don't have time to cater to and fawn over an attention seeking narcissist like I did over a decade ago...I have enough drama of my own & definitely don't want to add any more.

I think back and remember good times along with the bad.  I remember a lot of fun nights, road trips, chasing boys, and laughter.  However, I remember more bad than good.  I remember how exhausting that friendship was.  I feel like our friendship was one of convenience, I was always accessible, always willing to stand by her no matter how much bitching & complaining she did.  I stood by her and offered true friendship despite her nature/manner even when it was not reciprocated.  It is unfortunate that we drifted.  Its sad that, as we've both aged, that we couldn't reconnect once again as wiser, more mature mothers & adults.  I will always reserve a place in my heart for her, as is my nature, but I will never allow her back into my life like I did all those years ago.

Sad but true...