I almost passed on this challenge because this was on the list…even contemplated removing it and adding something about my first pet or some other bullshit. BUT, I am nothing if not a purist, most especially in challenges/competitions. So, that being said, here we go…it might be against the rules but the first two are requirements & this is my blog and I do what I want.
First requirement: Don't be a selfish asshole.
There is this myth out there: Women Love Assholes. Well, sorry to burst your bubble my special snowflake, but women do not lurve assholes. Women are infatuated by them. There are a choice few idiot women that truly do love assholes and it is evident by their disastrous dating history, but women as a greater whole do not. If we manage "to catch" one, their appeal quickly evaporates as reality sets in. Our desire "to fix" them dies as the realization that our own self-worth supersedes caring for an overgrown man-child who is rude, thoughtless, and lacks compassion due to narcssisstic motivations.
Second requirement: Don't. fucking. lie.
GOD, I HATE LIARS. There is little out there, in my opinion, that is more hurtful than lying. I'm not a saint…I have lied a time or two…but, as I've aged, I've fully realized how pointless lying is. How much damage it truly does. Why do people lie anyway?!! My opinion…fear. Fear that you will be seen lacking in some way. I get it. It's fucking scary telling hard/difficult truths sometimes, especially to loved ones. We don't want to be viewed as weak, or unattractive in various ways, or ignorant, or whatever. However, I would much rather be hurt by the truth because after its done, under all my pain, I have a feeling of worth. That person knew my value and respected me enough to give me honesty. Telling hard truths, in anything, is a true measure of a person's character.
First way: There has to be laughter.
I'm pretty sure this is the surest way to win my heart. Like, you could totally tank at everything else and I would still give you consideration and/or further thought. There is nothing more important, more beautiful to me than laughter. Having the capacity to laugh at oneself and having the ability to find humor in those low points is key to a happy, fulfilling life. Laughter heals. Laughter unites. Laughter ignites desires and can be a beginning because love stories start anywhere. A person not only has to make me laugh, but they need to accept my twisted sense of humor and constant sarcasm. Because, winning my heart, my whole heart, means I have to be able to make you laugh as well.
Second way: You have to be interesting and find interest in me.
I think there is no higher compliment one can receive than to be thought interesting. Everyone is beautiful. Anyone can be nice. But to capture someone's fascination? To be the reason for their unwavering attention? Your thoughts, words, actions become craved for by another? That is truly unique and cannot be achieved by the masses. It doesn't interest me what you do for a living, I want to know what you ache for. It doesn't interest me how old you are, I want to know if you are willing to risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine. It doesn't interest me where you live or how rich you are, I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and be sweet to the ones you love.
Third way: Know your place.
I desire a man who knows that his place is not in front of me, constantly leading. A man that knows that his place is not always beside me. A man that knows his place is not behind me riding my coattails. I desire a man that knows that his place is all three. I need a man that can read any given situation and ascertain the best possible position he needs to take which will benefit us and our relationship. Sometimes I need support not saving. Sometimes I need solidarity and teamwork. Sometimes I need strength when my own fails me. At the end of day I have to know that I have a true partner...not a misogynistic, egocentric douche or an man-child.
Fourth way: Knowing the value of simplicity.
There is so much out there distracting or detracting from love these days with the advent and advance of technologies and the increase in societal vanity. Love is simplistic by nature…and that is what makes it the most savage monster by far. We over complicate it. We pervert it. Relationships are hard, not love. When two distinct, unique personalities try to coincide, it is not always harmonious. Love is the control in the experiment and will always remain, many times buried beneath confusion, loathing, or tears. I need a man that knows this and does not need to rely on grand gestures to fuel love. I need a man who will have dinner cooked by the time I get home, without prompting, because he knows how hard I work and he knows its nice to surprise me from time to time. Its a validation that he sees me and sees what I do. I need a man to let me sleep in a few weekends even though he works just as hard as I do. A man's answer to the question "What do you want to do tonight?" is "Don't worry about it, I already made plans for us" instead of "I don't know, what do you want to do" is a certifiable panty-dropper. Feel free to write that down. I don't need diamond bracelets or fancy restaurants. Folding the clothes from dryer while I grocery shop or take my daughter to the park so I can organize the closets is a much more powerful way to show love. Acts like those, show respect and appreciation. They show your partner that you have compassion and gratitude.
Fifth way: My kid has to like you.
Well, I'm a mom so this was a no-brainer. If you stand any chance at winning my heart you have be loved by my child because she is my heart.
Well, that's it. That's the list. Easy-peasy right?! Truth though: falling in love with me won't be a Disney-version love story and it's only fair that I go all "full disclosure" on you so you know who you are falling in love with. You are falling in love with my insecurities, and my obsession with trying to figure out how to be better than the person I was yesterday. You are falling in love with my immaturity, my constant need to feel loved and appreciated, my overactive tear ducts, my internet obsession, my tendency to be too introverted. You fall in love with my troubled past, and my hopes & dreams, and how I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. If you fall in love with me, you fall in love with my self-hate and all my imperfections and my perception that nobody could ever love me the way I need to be loved.
But, you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when I'm with you, the way I'll text you really inappropriate, yet hilarious, internet memes/pictures because I know you will chuckle. You're falling in love with the
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